Where's the Communication

Dear Tasha,

I am the proud mother of three beautiful teen girls. One of the things I pride myself on is raising them as a single mother, after my husband passed away several years ago. I try to instill great values and set a perfect example for them every day. I work a full-time job, in college and give back to my community by volunteering monthly at a local school. I learned very early on, after having my girls that it was important for me to be involved in their lives and that included having a safe environment and making sure they understood my reasons for doing so. Some of my friends say that I am too strict on my girls and should give them a little leeway and freedom. Well, I don't agree and here is the reason why. About two years ago we moved into a neighborhood and my middle daughter, who is at the tender age of 10 years old befriended a girl which lives about five houses down from ours. Upon meeting the little girl, she was very nice and respectful and eventually my daughter and her started spending a lot of time together playing, which finally led to her spending the night at our home. Her mother and I spoke over the phone once, which I initiated just to make sure she was fine with her staying all night. Well, let me just fast-forward, it's been a year and I have yet to meet her mother. This little girl has had extended stays at my home and even went on a mini vacation with me and my girls. Don't get me wrong, her mother sends money with her and she's fully prepared with appropriate clothing and is always respectful. Should I reach out to her mother, or should this be something that she does, as it is her daughter. This is the kicker, my daughter asked if she could stay the night at her house and before she could get the words out of her mouth, I said NO! What are your thoughts, am I being too strict as my friends say, or am I being the MOTHER I should be, and the MOTHER this little girl's mother should be?

Signed,

I Don't Know This Woman

Dear I Don't Know This Woman,

I want to commend you for taking the position you have taken, and I don't feel you are too strict on your girls. But, let me back-up for a second. Your strength is amazing and today it takes a lot to be a single mother raising girls and boys, because there is so much in the world that can have them go astray and we must be cognizant of our child's affiliations. Unfortunately, being a parent did not come with a guide book and we must make decisions that are going to support our child and ensure that they are set-up to be able to think and care for themselves when they become adults. I have some very serious reservations just as you do about this situation. I also agree that you DON'T KNOW this WOMAN and what her lifestyle is like and vice versa, mainly because she hasn't taken the time to get to know you. Granted, you should have probably knocked on her door a long time ago but is that really your position when her child is staying the night at your house. I don't want to beat up on the mother too bad, because she has done something right, because you speak of the child being very well dressed and respectful, and she sends her child with money for outings, so that is a positive. I want to be just as frustrated as you, but I think we need to give her a chance. The children apparently have a great time together and who knows, maybe, just maybe she is trying to achieve a position in her life and is grateful that you have taken on allowing her child to spend time with you and your family. So, with that give her a friendly knock on the door and have a motherly conversation about the friendship of your girls and see if you can begin a friendship as well. This will give you a chance to see what's really going on and express yourself as well. Keep me posted, I want to know how things turned out.

Signed,

Tasha

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